98% perception 2% reality….struggling with the 2%!
Between 3 and 6 a.m. October 28th 2012.
The invisible muse that has sat on my chest at 3 a.m. the last 2 mornings was supposed to give me something. I have no idea what but I know, in a non-thinking way of knowing that she/he was supposed to give me something other than lack of sleep. I do all the usual things to get back to sleep (no details) but there I am wide-awake and gormless. The perceived gift is? I wait, three hours later, nothing, nada, not a sausage, bugger all. I am empty, a shell, a vessel that is desperate to be filled. Where is it, what is it, it is something, it always was and always would be, right? I searched and searched. I raked over the old coals, I lit new ones, I dug so deep it seemed like I was the last lonely miner in a vast chasm of nothingness. I stopped, I gave up, and finally I let go and just drifted. Then I started to see, hear, smell, touch and taste it. The void, bleak at first suddenly transformed and like torrential rain from a cloudless sky, I was soaked right through with everything. Everything was in me and I was everything, no seams, no rifts, no start, no finish, no nothing, no existence, and no resistance, just everything. I lost me, I found us, all of us and all of our stuff, all of our brilliance, our limitless abundance.
It is now 6 a.m. and I am back in small room, alone and at peace, not knowing where I have been or where I am going. It is not so strange anymore, even writing this is not strange or challenging, it just is, no judgement, no question, and no struggle. It is and I am grateful.
Love and peace are my weapons.
Nigel R Mitchell.