more me and rings of a simple ton….

by tunnelmental

mystery alan watts

Wow, today as I sit in my early morning daze of wonder, I realize I write these entries to remind myself of my adventure. For I believe it is just that, an adventure into a life you create in every moment. I just found this one from a couple years ago.

We have been doing this for about 25 years…. making music, playing shows, writing, recording, releasing, producing, remixing and re-inventing ourselves. Some people have found this to be odd, weird and crazy. In fact, some who have been in the band think it’s crazy. Why? I asked some friends who really would tell me the truth; it usually boils down to the word success. A funny word, the sort of word that means different things to different people, so I explain my meaning and then most people see why we keep on keepin’ on. SUCCESS (Nigel definition): to do what you want, when you want and how you want. I (Nigel) had always struggled with life, it was like wrestling with a giant octopus, you think you got it licked then another set of tentacles comes up and sucker’s you. I kept up this imaginary fight for the first 30 years of my life, oh, I had fun doing it, and it was a mostly unconscious struggle that had many brief rounds. Then it got tiresome, boring and repetitive. I almost gave up, almost said “uncle” and settled into what was expected of me. Birth, school, work, death. I remember the day it happened, which is no mean feat for me; I have a foggy memory, most of the time. I was getting over a cold/flu fever and I sat up in bed in a sweat. Not sure whether I was dreaming or awake I walked round the small flat I was living in. Now, here’s the weird thing, every time I stepped through a doorway I changed, not just felt strange or different, I went through a sort of rapid metamorphosis. I was not completely changed for the original me was freaking out inside the new me. Every doorway, it happened, different every time. I made it through to the kitchen and sat at the table with my head in my hands. I started to breathe deeply and slowly, I had to relax and let this wash over me. I felt elated, giddy, excited and alive. Pictures formed in my mind, strange and far off places, patterns, beautiful lights and colours. Then it came in a flash and I knew, I really knew, not in a wow, I just thought of something way, more in a real centre of yourself sort of way. I knew I could do anything, be anything, everything, I felt so alive I was free. Free to be, really be. As I entered back into the unreal world of my flat in Swindon I knew nothing, yes I knew nothing and it was so liberating, so absolutely brilliant, I cried. Since that day, I have not really looked back. I have been all round the world, I have done everything I ever wanted, I have lived so large, the old me would have would not have recognized the older me. Occasionally, over the course of the last almost 30 years, I have seen my old adversary in the shadows, I turn and face him and he vanishes like smoke.
2015 is almost here…open your heart with love and peace as your weapons…

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